Freshly Baked Bread...It Does The Soul Good

I'm sad and lonely today. Well, I actually am lonely a lot. Yes, I have many friends and wonderful family that make it so I don't feel so lonely. But it feels as if there is a part of me missing. Its floating somewhere amongst the stars waiting to be found. Maybe one day I will...

In the mean time I've decided to make fresh whole wheat bread. Being a "Chef" or whatever I am I have the ingrediants and means to make something from scratch without the use of a bread machine or going to the store. The silly thing is, I actually have a loaf of wheat bread I bought from the store not to long ago.

But there is something that sooths your soul and inner voice from its deamons when making bread. Feeling the soft, spongey goodness under your fingers as you slowly knead the dough. Watching it slowly rise from a tiny round ball into something that actually allows you to punch it down.

Its sitting in my window now with the warmth of the sun causing it to expand and grow under its watchful eye. Its simple. It makes me wish for times when you only made your fresh bread and you ate it with a bowl of hearty stew and your own freshly made ale.

When I make fresh bread *which I think I'll do more often* I like to pretend I'm someone I'm not. Someone who only has the things required to survive day to day rather then having things that fill up my house, that fill up my soul with clutter and no imganation.

I've recently been wondering who or what I am. Yes, I know I'm a human. I know that life dictates me to be something that conforms to socitey, that plays the game the correct way and doesn't try to change the rules. But sometimes the rules are meant to be broken. I struggle with who I am, knowing that its what helps guide both my spirital and mental sides of me. I'm not ready to explain it further. I know some people who are my friends perhaps wouldn't understand. And I'm not ready for their judgement. Perhaps in time. Perhaps many loaves of bread to come.

But for now, I'll sit and watch as the fruits of my labor grow and change before me. Waiting for that moment to punch it down and watch it grow again.

Fairy Tales: One More Week To Go

Fairy Tales: One More Week To Go: One more week, that is my motto to get me through this week. Actually, this is the last week, so my moto on Wednesday will be...ONE MORE DAY...

One More Week To Go

One more week, that is my motto to get me through this week. Actually, this is the last week, so my moto on Wednesday will be...ONE MORE DAY! And then on Thursday it will be: 10 more hours...etc. I am super excited. I'm excited for it to be over, but I'm also excited to do my chocolates class final piece that we are making.

Last week we made this:


Yeah! Its pretty kick-ass isn't it? Pulled and blown sugar baby! It was one of my ALL TIME favorite things to work with now. I'd like to find a pastry school that just does this for a whole quarter so I could learn as much as I can. I've always had a slight obession with blown glass, so I knew I would be excited for pulled sugar.

Its FRAKKING HARD though to do. But so much fun when you have a final piece. Everyone had to make an under the sea themed piece. My group and I made this one. I made the jellyfish guy *who later commited suscide* and the fish with the purple and pink fins.

Next week each person has to make their own. I have this necklace that I own:



I want to go that is the background, so a circle of blue, with a yellow cresecnt moon, and the whispy stars. And then I want to have a fairy of some sort infront of it like this:



We have two days to make it. I think I can get it to all work out. Its going to be hard, but if it works out its going to be beautiful! I'll post pictures.

So yeah, one more week to go.

Fairy Tales: My Wishes and Dreams

Fairy Tales: My Wishes and Dreams: I look all over the Internet and see this AMAZINGLY beautiful, awesome, funny blogs and then I look at mine. Though this is the first blog t...

My Wishes and Dreams

I look all over the Internet and see this AMAZINGLY beautiful, awesome, funny blogs and then I look at mine. Though this is the first blog that I have really kept up with, I still wonder what I could do to make it better? Be funnier? Sure! I wish I could do that all the time. Blog more about food. Do you want me to? Because I can. I guess I just am who I am. Plus I have to clean. And when I say clean I don't mean just vacuum...I have so HEAVY cleaning to do. I don't want to. When I don't want to clean I cook. I already have an awesome smelling potato bake in the oven now. So now I'm turning to blogging. I guess I'll clean soon. But not right now.

So here are a list of my hopes and dreams:

1. I want to work for Disney...without having to cover up my tattoos. But I want to work for them.

2. I want to work for America's Test Kitchen. Not the PBS show part of it, but the magazine part of it.

3. I want to be a personal Chef on a yacht that goes all around the world.

4. I want to open my own bakery. I can't tell you what its theme will be. But BELIEVE me. It will be EPIC!

5. I want to be a caterer for The Big Bang Theory or Glee or Eureka or Warehouse 13.

6. I want Jim Parsons to be my bestest friend. As well as Chris Colfer!

7. I want to live somewhere where it rains every day but visit somewhere for a month where its only sunny.

8. I want to save ALL the animals. Yes. I mean all.

9. I want my mother and family to always be happy, healthy and safe.

10. I want this for my cats and friends too.

11. I want to be understood.

The list goes on. My house smells amazing by the way. From the potato bake. And its raining out. But I have horrid allergies. Blah. Can someone come clean for me?

Fairy Tales: You Are The Only Exception

Fairy Tales: You Are The Only Exception: My blog isn't very funny. It isn't whats "in". Its me. Maybe only 4 people read it. Or 4 million...it wouldn't matter. I am who I am. I can'...

You Are The Only Exception

My blog isn't very funny. It isn't whats "in". Its me. Maybe only 4 people read it. Or 4 million...it wouldn't matter. I am who I am. I can't change who I am, I can alter parts of me for the better or worse, but I will always be the weird girl who is super nice to everyone. I will always be the girl that likes in things but will hate them if my "friends" like them to much. There are some things I will never hate. I take who I am in stride. I find new things about myself every day. I am like the galaxy...the universe...ever expanding, ever changing. I will not always be who I am today, but I will always be who I am.

There is one person in my life who I will never give up on. I've come to realize that this person may not think of me the same way I think of them. They are my kindred spirit. One of the only people I will never give up on. They contributed in a major way as to who I am today.

We have drifted over the years, and that of course has hurt me. I have found out that there are other people this person is closer to then I am. Then we used to be. But this person is the ONE person I will NEVER give up on. No. Matter. What. I can see that we have phased into other lives, that we no longer...or maybe never were on the same wave length. But this person...I have always looked up to. This person has been better then me in every way. This person has given me the courage to not look the other way.

I wish this person knew how I really felt. How, without this person I would be a little lost. But I don't have the courage to tell them, that YES they are the person in my life that I will never give up on. No. Matter. What. *And believe me, many people give me MANY reasons to give up on them* but not on this person. Even if they hurt me. If they hurt me...I grow. I wish I could tell them.

Thats all. Thanks for listening. Whoever you are out there.