Monday, May 16, 2011

In which I try to erect a tent...

Dear lord this parachute is a nap sack! That is what I said to myself today when I began to put up the tent...but its not really a tent. Its a cover. The box says: Can be put up in 1 minute. It shows two people putting up tent/cover thingy. They seem happy...probably so they can have a picnic without flies or bees. I open the tent bag and pull it out. It promptly falls all over the deck and all over my feet. It did NOT feel good. I find the directions. Directions say: place on ground, pull metal poles out until you hear a click. The first picture shows the tent flat on the ground, the second picture shows the tent fully errect! So I try...and I try...and I keep trying. While trying I gather many bruises, one actually at the top of my foot where my foot and leg connect *I don't know what bone that is*.

After wrestling with this damned thing for about 30 minutes and feeling as if I have run a marathon from DC to NY and I'm crying and cursing and sweaty I decide to go in and have a beer. Its cold, it will sooth my aching body. I'm sitting there, watching some stupid cartoon I left on for my cats with the fan blasting on me and I look down. There is something on my right big toenail...what could it be!? Oh...look at that. Somehow, without knowing it I have ripped HALF of my toenail OFF! Its still hanging on by a bloody bit. At the moment I have covered up my foot with a sock *and I HATE socks, I don't even wear them in the winter if I have my warm boots on* because I am to afraid to try to finish pulling the nail off...I think it will hurt.

After about an hour and another beer later I go back out. The tent works with me this time and I get it up in 5 min. I still curse it, look what it did to me! Killed me almost! I open the door so the cat can come out and play on the deck and I don't have to worry about her jumping to her death. But she saw my putting the tent up and it scared the shit out of her. She was afraid to come out into it. So I pick her up and place her in it. She wont move. I give up and pick her up again and we both go inside. We'll try it again later.


  1. You know, I very much feel your pain. Old fashioned tents I can handle. But these new things? I swear there are hidden video cams in every box - and somewhere in china is some dude laughing his donkey off at everyone trying to set one up.

  2. Hidden video cams! Love it! I would hate if there were because my video would be rated R. That Chinese dude...I think I'll slit his throat with his tent poles. Sigh.